Love isn't all it's cracked up to be
by Rae1
Summary: Complete Expressing one's emotions to Ishida Yamato could possibly be the hardest thing anyone has ever had to do. Shouenen-ai. Boy/boy love in here. Sweet, fluffy-ness. Daito.
1. Loving Ishida Yamato isn't all it's crac...

Loving Ishida Yamato

Author: Rae

Disclaimer: Don't own, and don't want to. It would be too time-consuming.

Warning/Summary: This starts as a one-sided Daito/Daimato. It's ending is a mystery even to the author. Dais tries spilling his guts to a certain blonde, and ends up revealing everything.

___________

"I knew you. Before I saw you, before we ever met. I knew everything there ever was to know about you. You are a part of me, and no matter what, you can't take that from me. I know you better than I know myself, and the scary thing about that is that it doesn't scare me.

"I know fear, and I know courage, and the only difference is the inability to back away. I've never managed it. I can't run, and I can't turn away. I've stared my death in the face, and laughed. The only thing that honestly makes me tremble in fright is the thought that you will somehow find a way to remove yourself from my life. I don't think that I could stand that."

"Why are you telling me all this now?" His voice was quiet, emotionless in the shadows of my little bedroom. I stared at him, my eyes soft as I study the way the light curled around his thin frame, hiding the strength that I knew existed in his arms. His blonde hair was styled meticulously, as always.

"Because I think you have a right to know. Tomorrow, we won't be able to see each other half so much, and I didn't want to lose the chance to say everything I could. One of those, 'what-if' things." I smile slightly, my eyes aching from the effort to hold back the tears that wanted to fall. Every good fantasy starts with him declaring his love for me, but he's simply sitting there, watching me without expression, his blue eyes focused on my face with a vague confusion. "We were never close, and I know all the reasons why."

He opens his mouth, but I raise my hand to silence him. Knowing Matt, he's about to either shoot me down, or try to come up with a lame reason for my last sentence.

"Don't. I know you, Ishida Yamato, and you can't hide from me." I can feel the smile on my face widen, and I try to look as gentle and understanding as possible. It's so hard, when he continues to look at me silently, his face never changing in its regard of me. "I was at your first concert, you know. Not the harmonica playing in the Digital World, but the first time the Wolves stood on stage, and you sang your heart out to an audience that didn't know what to expect."

He smiles slightly, the barest twitching of his lips. "They were so silent."

"You blew them away. I don't think that there was a person in the room who didn't want to corner you in the hall afterwards."

"You did?" I swallow, caught. His smile grows into a smirk, and his eyes are teasing me now, laughing at me. "I never knew."

"Yeah, well. Don't even start in on all that crap. You know, the stuff that goes 'oh, I'm so flattered, but', or the horribly lame 'thank you, maybe' that means never. I don't want empty words from you, Matt. Personally, I think I deserve better than that, like a chance, but I can't ask for that." He frowns slightly. "It's outside the realm of friendship, Matt, to use your inability to hurt your friends against you. I would never do that to you."

"Thank you." He doesn't seem to know what else to say, so I just smile at him some more, feeling more and more like an idiot with each passing second. He's been great, really. Meeting me, and letting me have my say without too many interruptions. He's sat through it all quietly, as if this sort of thing happened every day.

"Yeah, well…" I trail off, realizing that I've probably been repeating myself for the last few minutes, my nervousness apparent in each broken phrase. I stand up rubbing the back of my neck unconsciously. "Thanks for meeting me, and everything. Been great talking to you, and all. Good luck at college, and a have a great time, and all that."

He stands also, regarding me with a thoughtful expression. "Are you kicking me out?" His head is tilted to one side, the angle making the light reflect in his eyes.

"You don't have to go. Jun will be up soon, and I thought, maybe, that you wouldn't want to be cornered by her." He smiles, his eyes never once leaving mine. "I know that she doesn't have a thing for you any more, but she keeps trying to corner every available person that she knows, and talk their ear off about the great guy that she keeps going out with. Nice guy, don't get me wrong. Met him twice now, and they match well."

"It's annoying when somebody tries to constantly overlay your feelings with their constant happiness." 

"Is that a hint?" He shakes his head, not making a single move to leave. He's studying me patiently. "Calm down, Davis." His use of my nickname is enough to make me grit my teeth. "Dais."

His eyes are light as he ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it.

"How long have we know each other, Dais?" I frown, thrown off by the question. 

"Four years." I'm sixteen, and he's eighteen, going on nineteen. So, okay, it isn't exactly the best match age-wise. Like I had a chance to begin with? "Why? You knew that already."

"I knew. I was just trying to figure out why you're telling me this _now_, Dais." He keeps saying my name, and each time he does, the sound sends a tingle down my spine. "Or is this something you're just know figuring out?"

I shake my head. "I've known forever how I felt, Matt." I can't help it. If I call him Yamato, I'm going to swoon, or have a heart attack. I can't say his name without some sort of side effect, normally the blood rushing to my lower anatomy, but that's besides the point. It's not just physical. I can tell you his favorite food, candy, drink, spot to hang-out, brand of hair-gel, make-out spot, club, friend, car, song, band, shirt, pants, and his favorite accessory.

His face is back to being blank, but I get the feeling that he's contemplating something, thinking things through. _It's not that hard, Matt. Just say everything's cool, and we can go on as before. You're only going to university, it's not as if you're leaving the country. Tell me we can still be friends, and that you'll still tell me that I can't sing_

"When did you decide you were gay, Dais?" That question, huh? Interesting, but not unpredictable.

"The first time that I realized that I'd rather look at you than Kari." It's true. TZ's hotty, and Ken is just perfect, but the only guy that I've ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with, or at least sleep with once, is standing in front of me, waiting for something that I'm not quite certain how to give.

See, that's the problem with being in love with Matt. I can tell you almost anything about him that you want to know, and quite a few things that I think only a psycho could want to know, but I can't tell you how he feels about me. It's that whole problem with seeing what you want to see, and not being able to believe the reality for the fantasies that get mixed up in everything. For everything I might have thought I saw, there was a dream, or a thought that could have been confused with it.

"Thank you, Daisuke." He nods at me, and moves toward the door, his tall, lanky form treading quietly on my carpet. He pauses in the doorway, his blue eyes meeting mine. "It's an honor, Dais, it really is." He pauses, his brow furrowing as he decides that he wants to say something more. "The next few weeks are going to be rather hectic, but there's a four day weekend at the end of the October."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He doesn't say anything more, just leaves me standing in my room, confused and alone. Being in love with Ishida Yamato is not all it's cracked up to be. 


	2. Having loved him

"How did I treat you when we dated?" Matt looked at me steadily, his eyes piercing, intense.

"You were good to me, Yama." He was, I won't deny it. Even after the break up, he was sweet to me. I knew when we started going out that it wasn't really what he wanted. He needed somebody, anybody, to care about him. A sense of belonging, of being loved no matter what. In the end, I couldn't give him that, and we had to call it quits.

"Was there anything I did that was wrong? Were there things that I should do if I dated someone else?" His eyes are so serious, his expression completely bewildered. I smiled, thinking how innocent and endearing he looked when he didn't have a clue. "Did I do anything really annoying, that I shouldn't do?"

"You were wonderful, Yama. Anybody that goes out with you should already know that." His eyes meet mine, searching into the very depths of my mind. "Except that. You have a way of looking at everyone with so much intensity. You need someone that can either ignore the way you stare, or can stare right back."

"Someone who won't back down?" His smile is thoughtful, focused on some private inner thought. "The last person who stared me down was Daisuke." His voice sounds odd, different, an undertone I'm not quite certain I've ever heard before. "He won."

"How long did it last?"

"Thirty-three minutes, and forty-two seconds. He said something about Tai and a bowl of something red, and I had to turn around to defend my hair." He laughed. "I should have known better."

"That's our Daisuke." I could well imagine the cinnamon-haired boy doing such a thing. Daisuke is a wonderful and honest person, don't get me wrong, but the boy would cheat a child to win, if he thought it would work. He doesn't like to admit defeat. "I don't think he knows the meaning of the word lose."

"He does." Matt's voice is quiet as he moves his gaze to study a spot on the floor at my feet. He's managed to corner me in the store-room at the back of my mother's floral shop, and we're sitting on crates, talking. He leaves tomorrow, to start at the university. I'm not going for another semester, so I thought he was coming to say goodbye. Somehow, he started talking about that time, four years ago, when we had dated briefly. "He knows all about what it's like to sit back and let everyone else win. That's what makes him so great. He doesn't always have to win."

"Unlike Tai, who demands a rematch if he doesn't win the first time." Matt nods distractedly, his eyes unfocused. "Daisuke is truly great." He nods, a small smile tilting his lips. Taking a guess, piecing his attitude together with some of the things I knew, I waiting for his eyes to meet mine. "He finally told you?"

He looks surprised, but then he laughs. "I should have known he would have told you. Did he ask for your advice?"

"He didn't tell me or ask me anything, Matt. The way he looks at you sometimes, or the way he says your name. He can't hide the way he feels, and he doesn't bother. I know that Ken knows, and maybe Kari, but the others are pretty well unaware. When he's with you, he spouts of more than normal. I've heard him go from talking Izzy down to blubbering like an idiot within five seconds of you walking into a room."

"Why did he wait so long, Sora?"

"Because as of tomorrow, he won't have to avoid you, and he won't have to worry about your recriminations. He has months in which to dream, and hope, before he has to worry about you sending his world crashing to the ground."

He looks at me, his eyes insecure. "Tell me, Sora. Do you think it's at all possible that a thing like this could work between the two of us. We're both impatient, and neither of us likes to deal gently with people…"

"Wrong, Yama. Dais knows how to be gentle, and quiet. But he also knows, as do Tai and I, that letting you wallow is ten times more dangerous that punching you. You like to dwell on things, to the point that they consume you. Bringing your feelings out into the open is something that needs to be done, and the three of us recognize that. Or, at least Dais and I do. I think Tai just likes to fight."

I watched as he laughed at that, his shoulders slowly relaxing. "He sent me a card two weeks before my birthday, and said that he just wanted to make sure it didn't get lost in the shuffle. At the time, I thought that he'd just messed up the date in his mind, but he hand't had he?"

"He doesn't forget a thing about you, Matt." He's looking less tense, and I'm glad. I really hate it when he worries so much. 

"Thank you, Sora." He stands up, and we hug. "I'll look forward to coming down for the holidays, and seeing you on the weekends."

"You'll keep me updated?"

"Of course." He turns, and walks out, leaving me to smile at his back. That boy has more problems than Indiana Jones without his whip. Or maybe the Kaiser sans whip. He has a lot of problems, at any rate.


	3. Shielded by love

Daisuke slumped into his apartment, sliding his bag off his shoulders unthinkingly, letting it drop to the floor with a thud. His home was silent, and he sighed. His parents were at work, and Jun hadn't arrived yet for the weekend. She was going to university, and hadn't made it home that often in the past four weeks. 

He entered the kitchen, and saw that the light was flashing on the answering machine. He pushed the play button, and moved to the fridge, half-listening to all of the messages. One from Hikari: "Hey, Dais! Guess what? Tai's down for the weekend, and he wants to get all of the gang together. You better not have plans, or we'll just have to come over and crash them!"

Her voice, cheery and bright, made him smile. He pulled a plate of leftovers from the fridge, and sat it on the counter in front of the microwave. The next message was Ken. "Hello, Daisuke. This is Ken. Hikari called, and told me to clear my plans for the weekend. I was just wondering if you knew what they had planned? If it's nothing too big, I have tickets to a concert this weekend. We could ditch the others, and go."

The redhead laughed, picturing the sly look on Ken's face as he left the message. Some days, Daisuke had to wonder about Ken's sense of humor. That boy could be wicked when he wanted to be. He put the plate in the microwave, and set the timer, watching as the light went on and started to warm up his food.

"Hi, Dais." He stilled, frozen to the spot as that warm, sweet voice spilled out of his machine. "The others want to get together Saturday night, so that leaves it out. I was wondering if you were free tonight. I'm on the cell phone, driving down with Tai, who is smirking at me as I speak."

Another voice interrupted him. "Hey, Dai! Guess what? We're on our way home, and I'm bringing someone special over to see you!"

There was a brief pause. "Dumb ass. Sorry about that. Tai, watch the damn road! Any way…" Another pause, this one almost nervous. "How about a movie? Dinner? Just the two of us. We can catch up, and hang out."

Daisuke leaned back against the counter, a grin spread on his face as Matt's voice trailed off again. Then the machine clicked off, leaving him to smile at it like an idiot. The door in the hallway opened and closed, but he didn't move. "Davis? Davis? Where are you?"

"I'm in the kitchen, Jun." His sister walked in, her hair flowing softly down her back. She had a duffel bag in one hand, and a backpack over her shoulders. He walked over to her and hugged her, feeling giddy, and happy with the world. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." She hugged him back, and then leaned away. "Why are you grinning like that?"

"It was a good day at school?" He used it as a half-answer, half-question. He looked at the answering machine as the microwave beeped.

"Ah, I see that you don't want to tell me about it. That's fine, but I would think that you'd have so much to tell me after a whole four weeks of not seeing me." She ruffled his hair, and made her way to her room to drop her stuff off. "I'm going out with friends tonight. You have plans?" He hesitated, his grinning widening perceptibly. "I'll take that look as a yes. You look stone-drunk happy, Dais, and I'm glad to see it. Mom says that you haven't been yourself since I went off to college."

He shrugged, not bothering to tell her that it wasn't her departure that had affected him as much as another's. "Yeah, well. Things change, and all that."

"Sometimes for the better, too." He nodded as she ducked into her room to prepare for whatever she was going to go do. He looked at the answering machine, a gentle smile on his face as he studied it. He could recall the exact moment that he realized that he was in love with Matt. The group, all twelve, had made their way to an amusement park, and had split up into groups to ride the rides. As was expected, he and Ken had wandered off, doing their thing. Tai and Matt had started at the other end, and the group was spread throughout the entire park. Everything had gone well and fine until Ken and Dai found Matt and Tai at the Ferris wheel. The blonde looked nauseated, and refused to go on.

**_"I refuse to go near that thing." Matt's face was chalky white, his lips clenched tight. Tai looked at him, slightly amused, but not surprised._**

**_"Of course you would, since it's my favorite ride." The brunette glared at him, silently blaming the musician for ruining his fun. He turned brown eyes to the blue-haired genius and the redhead, smiling hopefully. "You guys will go up, right?"_**

**_Ken had frowned thoughtfully, looking to his best friend for a moment before shrugging. "I like the Ferris wheel. How about you, Dais?"_**

**_Daisuke had thought about it for a moment. Usually, he wouldn't turn down such an offer, but Matt looked unwell, and he didn't feel right leaving him by himself on the ground. Tai could do it, because otherwise, Matt would feel guilty for making him leave out something he enjoyed. "I'll stay down here and find some food. I'm starved."_**

**_"We ate thirty minutes ago, Dais." Violet eyes met his, slightly amused. "If you tell me you're hungry already, I think that I'm going to be sick." They all laughed, Daisuke flushing a light pink._**

**_"We'll see you two in a couple of minutes, then." Tai had grinned, and pulled Ken toward the line. Matt walked to a nearby bench, and sat down, leaning back against it and closing his eyes. Daisuke had frowned as he watched him. _**

**_"Are you okay?"_**

**_"I'm alive." Blue eyes had peeped open, and regarded him for a moment, the lashes fanning his cheeks as he blinked slightly. "Never, ever, let Tai order food from the hotdog vendor." Daisuke chuckled, and sat down beside him. He felt odd, slightly off-kilter for some reason. "You're not a fan of heights, are you?"_**

**_"I don't have many problems with such things. Most of the time, I can go up really high, and look down, and fake my way through a grin." The redhead had spoken without thought, and he didn't catch his blunder until the blonde brought it to his attention._**

**_"You do that a lot, don't you? Fake a grin?" Blue eyes had met dark brown, a moment of understanding passing between them. _**

**_"You're one to talk. You're affected by a lot more than you let on, and we both know it." Daisuke smiled at the surprise in Matt's eyes. "I'm a perceptive little bastard, you just haven't learned that yet."_**

**_"I've always known that you were capable of doing anything." His words, quietly said, with a tinge of amusement but sincere, caused Daisuke's hands to begin trembling, and a chill to run down his spine despite the heat of the day. Matt was watching the car that held Tai and Ken, not paying any attention to the boy beside him._**

**_"Thank you." The blonde had shrugged. He looked at Daisuke again, his eyes sparkling. His face was no longer sickly pale, and he looked content, just sitting in the afternoon with the redhead. And Daisuke realized that he wanted that. He wanted to make this amazing guy, someone he considered a close friend…he wanted to make him happy with his company, the way that he felt when he was around._**
    
    He made his way to his room, turned on the light, decided he didn't want to change, and turned it off again. Jun was humming in her room, throwing clothes out of her closet at random, and tossing them into the corners of her room. He smiled as he passed, and returned to the kitchen to get his food out of the microwave. He grabbed a fork from a drawer and started towards the living room with his meal. He wouldn't have to worry about ruining his appetite for dinner. He could handle two meals.
    
    Someone knocked on the door. He peered at the clock, decided that since it was too early to be Matt, it had to be Ken, and opened it with a mouth full of food. He choked as blue eyes met his, and he realized that he was wrong. "Hello, Dais. Maybe you should get something to drink?" The redhead continued to choke on his food, moving back into the apartment so that the blonde could enter. "I guess that this means dinner is out?"
    
    "Mmph." Daisuke swallowed finally, coughing a little as he paused before speaking. "If I eat now, you won't have to spend so much to feed me later." 
    
    Matt chuckled, nodding. "Tai wanted so badly to drive, but I made him stop at my apartment so I could borrow the car from Dad. We left mine at the college, and I didn't think about it until it was too late." He ran a hand through his hair, and looked around, taking in the unchanged setting. It looked the same as always. Organized, but on the edge of disorder. "Where's Jun?"
    
    "Right here!" She stepped into the room, and smiled at him. "What are you up to? You arrive today, and the first thing you do is stop to see the annoying redhead here?" She ruffled his hair.
    
    "I'm irresistible, Jun. Nobody on the face of the planet can resist me." His face was serious, his eyes shining in mirth. Matt's smile widened, and Jun chuckled.
    
    "I should have known. I leave for school for four weeks, and already you've moved in on my guy." She sighed dramatically, and leaned against the frame of the doorway. "How ever will I overcome this dastardly deed of yours, Daisuke?" Another sigh, and she added a groan. 
    
    "He's always been mine, you've just never realized it." The smile that had been playing around his mouth was gone, replaced by a look of complete sincerity. His sister looked at him for a moment, then at the dazed expression on Matt's face. 
    
    "I don't think he did, either." Daisuke simply grinned, his eyes playful. Matt rolled his eyes, and then shook his head.
    
    "We have to be going." His tone implied that he didn't appreciate being teased by brother and sister, but his eyes seemed to glow from the possessive look that Daisuke was giving him.
    
    *****~~~~~~*****
    
    I can't believe that that movie was so lame!" Daisuke exclaimed, pushing through the doors and making his way back into the mall. Behind them, more disappointed movie-goers filtered out, nodding in agreement with the redhead. 
    
    "You chose it." Matt pointed out, smiling smugly. "I wanted to see the other one, but no…"
    
    "Yeah, yeah, whatever. You didn't argue when I picked the movie. It's all your fault for making me chose. So there."
    
    "I thought that you'd matured." Blue eyes peered at him teasingly. Daisuke rolled his eyes, and started leading them toward the food court, his stomach rumbling. "I can't believe that you're hungry. You had two monster size popcorns, two large sodas, and four boxes of candy."
    
    "I paid for half of it!" Brown eyes gazed back indignantly, and then Daisuke spoiled it by laughing. "Most of the food went flying at the people in the front row that wouldn't shut up. No matter how horrible you think a movie is, the other people in the theater should be allowed the privilege of watching it in miserable silence, without your influence."
    
    "How many times did the manager tell you that before you stopped getting kicked out of the theater?"
    
    Daisuke glared at him, then smiled sheepishly. "Five. Six, if you count the time that I got into a fight with that jerk that was picking on Miyako."
    
    "Ah. Is that the time that you ended up buying her ice cream, only to end up wearing it?"
    
    "What can I say? Some people just do not appreciate me. What do you want to eat?"
    
    "You choose." The blonde shrugged, following along beside him. Daisuke gave him an odd look, shrugged in response, and steered them toward the pizza counter. Matt let him choose the food and drinks, and then let him lead the way to a table. They talked as they waited for food, Daisuke asking random questions, and Matt following his lead. When the food arrived, it was silent for a moment, not entirely comfortable.
    
    "How's college?"
    
    "Fine. My classes are a lot easier than I thought they'd be. How's your junior year coming along?"
    
    "School is school. I'm not failing, at any rate, so I can't complain too much." They shared a look and chuckled, clearing away the last of the food and debris from their meal. "What's next?"
    
    "Let's walk for a little bit." They stood up, and wandered around, going into random shops. Occasionally, one or the other would find something that amused them, and they'd laugh over it. They caught up on school, talking about the friends they shared, and the new ones that Matt had made while away.
    
    Daisuke led the way, avoiding shops at his will. Matt seemed happy enough to tag along with him, talking, smiling as he watched Daisuke decide where to go. Finally, realizing exactly what kept making him feel uneasy, Daisuke stopped in the middle of the mall, standing in a small area that housed benches for weary shoppers.
    
    "Is there anything that you want to do?" He sat down on one of the benches, smiling up at Matt. The blonde shrugged.
    
    "I'm happy doing whatever you want to do."
    
    Daisuke slumped forward on the bench, his head in his hands. He heard Matt sit quietly beside him, felt the cool blue eyes studying him. "This is up to me, isn't it?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Because if you can't let go of control with me, there will be no one, ever."
    
    "Yes." The agreement was quiet, pained. Afraid.
    
    "I told you that I knew. I know." The redhead paused, trying to sort through the thoughts in his mind. "I've never really needed someone to let me relax, because I've never been afraid of showing who I was." He looked up without sitting fully upright, so that he was still slouched down, his elbows digging into the tops of his legs. "You need to be weak."
    
    The blue eyes that met his were crystalline, their depths revealing a wealth of emotions, uncertainty and dejection being foremost. "It's a lot to ask of anyone."
    
    "Which is why you never asked anyone." Daisuke nodded, and leaned back against the bench, stretching his legs out in front of him casually. "I knew." There was a slight smile on his lips. "I knew what you needed, but I honestly never thought that you'd find it with me." He chuckled. "Imagine, dense little Dai, playing seme to the cool and studly Yamato."
    
    Matt frowned, his face mirroring the pain that those words caused. "I guess I misunderstood." He didn't move to leave, but settled back against the bench beside Daisuke and crossed his arms. "You did say…"
    
    "I know exactly what I said, Matt. I could repeat it to you, verbatim." His eyes stared into the blonde, making him feel oddly warm and secure despite the rejection he felt was coming. "I meant every word I said, too. Given the chance, I could have picked your soul-mate out of the world, and delivered them onto your doorstep, somebody that would keep you eternally happy and content." 
    
    "Really? And what would this person have been like?"
    
    "Tall. Like you, with the same slender build. More muscular, because you need the strength and security of knowing that you can be protected better than you can protect yourself. He would be handsome beyond belief. A god that had half of your looks would suffice. Talented and gifted. Music, the arts, it wouldn't matter. Just something to give him a little bit of eccentricity. A wonderful sense of humor, like yours, and a laugh that is deep and true, and that rumbles in his chest. He'd be kind, caring, and gentle. Patient and nurturing. He would be able to talk his way out of everything, using common sense and wisdom instead of violence. He'd be smart, popular."
    
    Matt looked at him, met his gaze with confusion. 
    
    "He wouldn't be me." Daisuke looked down again. "In my wildest dreams, I couldn't have asked for you to care half as much as I do. I thought that maybe, you'd end up with Tai. But he doesn't have the patience. He hates weakness, as if it makes him weak."
    
    "Thank you, Dais. As if I wanted to feel any lower today? 'Weak'. You could have just refused to have dinner with me, you know? Or, better yet, you could have kept all your knowledge to yourself!" Matt stood up, shaking visibly. Daisuke looked at him, then looked away.
    
    "I can't do it, Matt. I'm sorry." He could feel the tears threatening, begging to be allowed to slip down his cheeks. He didn't dare look at the blonde. He couldn't stand the look of hurt and confusion he knew would be there. "I can't be the safe one."
    
    Blue eyes stared at him for a moment more, before Matt turned and walked away. A lone tear slid down Daisuke's face. 
    
    _______________________
    
    Author's note: Before anyone yells at me, please take a moment to consider the other things I've written, and then ask yourself if I would really leave these to in such misery?


	4. It isn't easy to understand love

I looked at him, taking in the red-rimmed eyes, and the vacant expression. I know this young man well, but even I'm hard-pressed to figure out what's going on. 

"Come on, Yamato! What happened? If I have to beat the shit out of that little snot, I will!" He simply glances at me, his eyes empty. Man, when he's depressed, he can make even a clown cry with a single look.

"Nothing happened. He did nothing." He glances away, staring out my window while a single tear makes its way down his cheek. "I was wrong."

"About what?"

"Him. Me. Everything." I sigh in exasperation. "He said that he couldn't be safe for me." Blue eyes meet mine, a confused anger simmering beneath the surface. "What the hell does that mean? Safe?"

"What did you guys talk about?"

"I wanted him to be happy, so I let him choose. The movie, dinner, everything. Then he said that I was leaving it up to him. He said that he couldn't do it. He called me weak."

Uh-oh. Self-loathing and disgust. Not looking good. "Why would he say that?"

"Because I tried to be something with him I can't be with anyone else." Matt clenches his fist, leaning his forehead against the cool glass.

I wait a second more, and then roll my eyes. "What can you be with him and no one else?"

"Myself." He's crying now. Tears cascading, shoulders shaking, sobbing his heart out as he tries to climb into the wall beside my window. 

"Matt." I touch his shoulder, uncertain. I'm not really good with emotional people. Look at my girlfriend. Can you imagine Sora blowing a gasket over something I said? This, right here, is why I don't date Ishida Yamato. I'd be ready to shoot myself within a week. 

He flinches from my touch, and turns to glare at me. "You don't understand, Tai. He said that he knew, and he does, but he doesn't want to deal with it."

"And he told you all of this?"

"He told me that he wanted to find me the perfect mate, but that he wasn't it. Like he wasn't good enough."

I grit my teeth, thinking. Let's back-track. "You were letting him choose everything, and he said that he didn't want to be safe?"

"Yeah."

"Why were you letting him decide everything?" He never let me get away with everything I wanted. 

"I just wanted him to be happy while I was with him." Blue eyes peer at me imploringly, his head tilted at an angle. I want to understand, and he wants me to, but I just don't get it.

"Isn't he happy just being with you? Why did you have to do the things he wanted to for him to be happy?" Matt frowns, thinks that over for a moment, and then shrugs. That helps. "You want him to be happy, because you care for him. He wants you to be happy, because he cares for you."

"Something like that. But then he told me that he couldn't!"

"He couldn't be safe?" A frustrated grunt. "Matt, he likes you. Really, really likes you. Admiration, respect, the whole kit-and-kaboodle. But you're making him work for it, making him try to come up with everything. A relationship shouldn't be that one-sided. He needs to know that you're as into him as he is into you."

The blue eyes that have looked at me with irritation, fatigue, heart-break, frustration, sadness, and hope, are now looking something described as a little beyond confused.

"We know Dais, and we know all about the crush he had on my sister. We know how he was raised, and how he's always been treated. Nobody has ever stopped to tell him that he's worth something, Matt. He wants something with you, something real. But how real can it be when he's expected to carry the weight of the whole thing?"

Another blank look.

"He needs to know that you haven't turned around and settled on him simply because you knew he wouldn't reject you. That's safe, Matt. Being the one that loves you and will never turn you away makes him safe. It means that you can be with him without returning what he feels because you're afraid of trying for something more. You have to be partners in a relationship, not some child who wants his caretaker to make all of his decisions for him. 

"I have to take some responsibility, huh?" He stands up, suddenly determined. "You're right, Tai. Thank you. There has to be an even ground, someplace that we can both relax with each other."

"Right." Sure. That sounds about right. Maybe. He walks to the door of my room. " He knows you, Matt, and that means that he's aware of your depression and loneliness, the way you get when you feel as if the world has deserted you. Who would want to be filler?"

Matt nods, smiling slightly. "Thank you. I have some thinking to do." He leaves, shutting my door quietly behind him. I flop back on my bed, tired, though thirty minutes ago I'd been ready to jog. Dealing with Matt always made me tired.

~~~___~~~

"I refuse to have a staring contest with you, Daisuke." I eyed him with a frown, knowing that he only heard a fraction of what I said. There have been times in our friendship that I wish he had half the ability to communicate when he was depressed as when he was not. Now being a time of another kind.

"Tell me I'm an idiot, Ken." His brown eyes are turned inward, and I know, both from his words and the intuitive vibes I get from being around him, that he's deep into the self-hating phase of having made what he thinks is a major mistake. 

"Why?" The only thing I can do is listen, and hope that when I try to tell him that things will work out, that he believes me. Of course, nothing on earth could dissuade him to hear anything but what he wants to.

"Because I just threw away the most precious thing in the world to me as if it were nothing. I lied to the person I care about the most, and I let us both down."

"You're an idiot." He nods, somehow vindicated by my agreement of his guilt.

"Tell me that I'm a horrible, miserable coward." He's managed to sit through twenty minutes of misery without coming to tears, but I think he's about reached his limit. His eyes are clouding up, and he's crossing his arms over his chest as if to hug himself, or hold some measure of comfort in his chest.

"Why?" His gaze as long since left mine to study the walls, as if seeking for more reproach than I can offer him.

"Because it's true! After everything, after spilling my heart out to him, I did something so stupid as to tell him that I couldn't be safe! What does that mean? Safe? What the hell was I thinking?!" With a growl of frustration and misery, he throws himself on my bed, stretching out as he embraces my pillow and begins to sob into the cotton casing. "How stupid can I be?"

"You're a horrible, miserable coward." The sobbing continues, and I sigh, sitting beside him on the bed. I don't really mind the thought that I'll have to wash all the linens that had already been washed and replaced that very morning. I can't count the number of times that Daisuke has been there for me: I wouldn't refuse him whatever comfort he can find. "You're a coward who's to afraid of making things worse to realize that you can still make things right."

"There is no way to fix this, Ken! I already told him…" A gut-wrenching sob, and he flings himself against me, sending us both to the floor as he squeezes the air from my lungs.

"You have told him a great many things, Daisuke, but you seem to have forgotten a lot of the important things." He sniffles, rocking both of our bodies. The tears and crying is a little more quiet, so I know that he's listening to me. "You told him you knew him, Daisuke, and you do. You told him you'd be there, and you were. But you never promised to carry the full responsibility of a relationship alone, while he follows along behind you like a zombie. You know all those speeches about relationships being 50/50? That's a lie, Daisuke. If you only offer half of yourself, then you can't expect more."

He moves to pull away, mistaking my words. I tighten my arms around him, refusing to let go until I've had my say.

"You offer everything you have to everyone around you, and no one can deny it. You don't give half of yourself, but the whole of you. A relationship is like that, Dais. It's not half and half. Each partner should give 100%, give everything they're absolutely capable of giving. You don't need someone that's with you because they trust you enough to give you complete control. You need someone that can let go enough to be with you and let go, but not to the point that they're not there at all anymore."

"Like today?" He sounds like a small child, being offered a piece of candy they're afraid will be snatched away before they can accept it.

"Like today. He trusts you, Dais, and that's something to work on. Maybe you were both trying to jump too fast. You guys need to work on forming a relationship, not on your trust. Most of the blame lies in him for not realizing that you can't dump so much on someone else. But you're not guilt free, because what you told him, and how you told him, that's the reason he thought it could be that way. He's never had a chance to realize that there is an equal amount of give and take in any relationship. Look at his relationships with Tai and Sora. Sora's a giver. She gave everything she had to make him happy, and in the end, it wasn't enough, because he couldn't put into it what he got out of it. With Tai, he's always giving, but Tai doesn't know how to give back what he needs. You're stuck in the middle. You have so much to offer him, but you need so much back in return."

"Give and take, huh?" He pulls away, wiping at his eyes as he smiles at me slightly. "You sound like one of Jun's sappy girly romance novels."

"If you weren't playing the heroine, we wouldn't be in this situation."

"Shut up." He slugs my arm playfully, leaning back against my bed with a sigh. "So."

"So." He nods, his eyes resting on a spot over my shoulder as he thinks things through.


	5. Love will lift you up

Daisuke sighed as he stared at the back of Jyou's head. He was driving the younger ones to the digi-destined gathering. They were going skating in a rink in the middle of the town. It was a small place, and they would be able to have most of the place to themselves. It helped that the place was going out of business, and they wouldn't have to share it with a busy crowd.   
  
Iori and Ken sat in the front seat, the brunette in the middle. Both blue-haired guys were talking, including the younger of the three in sporadically. In the back seat, Daisuke was crammed between Miyako and Takeru. Hikari was next to the door behind Ken.  
  
Blue eyes glared at Daisuke imperceptibly. He could feel their icy glare, but each time he turned his head, the blonde feigned interest in something else. Apparently, he'd spoken to his brother sometime in the past day, and new something about the events that had transpired.  
  
"So, Daisuke." He turned and met Miya's violet gaze. "What did you do last night? Jun came over to see my sister, and she said that you had plans, but she didn't elaborate."  
  
He shrugged, turning to stare out the front window. He shivered, feeling Takeru glaring holes into the side of his head. "Went to the movies, had dinner."  
  
"On a date?" She eyed him eagerly, turning her body so that he couldn't escape her attention. She could see him squirm, and he had no place to hide.  
  
"Yeah." Takeru shifted around, and the redhead could tell without looking that he was now glaring at the back of his bed, waiting for his words.  
  
"With who?" That was the question that Daisuke had been dreading since she got in the car beside him and smiled. He looked up at the front seat for support, and rolled his eyes at Ken. The blue-haired teen smiled, tilting his head. Daisuke looked down at his lap, delaying the inevitable. "Come on, Davis! You know you want to tell me!"  
  
"Actually, I don't. I don't know how much the other person wants everyone to know." Takeru snorted.  
  
"Like my brother will care if you announced it to the whole world?" Miyako gasped in shock, and Hikari leaned forward to look at Daisuke questioningly. "Of course, after last night, you'd be lucky if he doesn't have Tai beat the crap out of you."  
  
"Be nice, Takeru." Hikari placed a hand on his arm and forced him to lean back. Soft brown eyes looked at Daisuke with gentle curiosity. "You went out with Matt last night?" He nodded, not looking up from the fists clenched in his lap. "What happened?"  
  
"He made an ass of himself." Takeru grunted as his best friend and girlfriend elbowed him in the side. Hard. "It's true! Matt goes out with this creep, and comes home crying his heart out!" Daisuke slumped back against the seat, feeling more worried and pitiful than before. Sometimes, you can only push people so far before you push them past their edge. When that happened, you had to accept that there was nothing you could do to put them together again.  
  
Wounds like that could only be healed with another try by another person. If he'd pushed Matt that far, then he would have to sit back while his own heart was ignored. He'd have to watch as the blonde fell in love with someone else, and he could only hope that it wouldn't kill.  
  
"What did you do, Davis?" Miyako was glaring at him accusingly. It would figure. She had had a crush on the blonde at some point in time. "He better be okay when we get there, are I'm going to be in line to hurt you."  
  
He slouched down further, crossing his arms across his chest. It didn't allow him to hide, since he was too tall to duck down like he used to. At nearly six feet, Daisuke didn't have much of a chance to hide if his friends wanted to read his emotions in his face.   
  
Ken and Hikari were silent, but he knew that they would support him. Iori had yet to say anything, but that didn't surprise him. Jyou kept glancing at him in the rearview mirror, but he never bothered to look up.  
  
"Cheer up, Daisuke." The eldest person in the car, Jyou had the deepest voice. His hair was still the length that he'd worn it in high school, and not much else had changed in his appearance. His personality, however, had been altered at college. "Matt may mope for a while, but he generally comes around to reason."  
  
"It's the eventually part that gets me, Jyou." Daisuke shook his head. "I said some things that hurt him. I meant them, and maybe they should have been said, but I don't like the thought that I caused him pain."  
  
"You should have thought of that before." Takeru yelped in pain as Hikari jabbed him again.  
  
"Takeru, if you don't be nice, I'm going to hurt you." She glared at him for added benefit. "You can be such a jerk sometimes." Her gaze softened as it moved to Daisuke. "He came over and talked with Tai last night. I don't know what was said, but he seemed better when he left."  
  
"That may not be a good thing, Kari." He lapsed into her old nickname. "He could have decided that I wasn't worth it after all." His voice took on the whine of self-pity. "I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to speak to me again."  
  
He closed his eyes tight against the tears that threatened. On his left, Miyako shifted so that she could wrap her arm around his shoulder. Takeru layed a comforting had on his shoulder. "I doubt that, Daisuke. He was upset, but I don't think the damage is permanent."  
  
"We'll find out soon enough." Jyou parked the car and cut the engine. "We're here."  
  
~~~~~_____~~~~~  
  
  
Tai stared at the door, looked up and counted the number of panels on the overhanging ceiling, stared at the cracks in the concrete beneath his feet, and then glared at the door. Beside him, Matt was breathing deeply, his eyes closed as he collected his stray thoughts together and decided exactly what he wanted.  
  
Brown eyes slid towards the blonde and studied him. "He can still be in charge, you know. You just have to participate."  
  
"Right." Matt nodded without opening his eyes. The silence lenghtened as they stood outside the rink. They had paid ahead of time, so all they had to do ws open the door, and make their way inside. Easy enough, except that Matt had halted before opening the door, and Tai knew that he was expected to wait.  
  
"He's probably really sorry for hurting you." No response. "Of course, he's probably thinking that you'll never give him a chance again?" Blue eyes flickered open and stared at him for a moment.  
  
"He has so little confidence?"  
  
Tai shrugged. "You know him as well as I do." He paused for a moment, listening for the music that poured from the walls. Matt had looked away and was staring at the door, daring it to open before he was ready. "One hint from you, one gesture, and he'll take charge again. He just needs a push."  
  
"A push." The blonde nodded, then exhaled loudly. "Right." A pale hand reached for the door, then hesitated.  
  
"What kind of push?"  
  
"Don't know." In all honesty, Tai thought it had just sounded right, he didn't analyze it. He had his girlfriend. "Are we going in?"  
  
Matt's hand turned the knob, and they pushed the door open as they stepped into the well-lit lobby. There were three picnic tables set up inside, placed upon a worn and stained carpet. Through to doorless holes in the wall, they could see their friends on the floor. To the right was a counter where the owner served pizza and drinks, and rented the skates.  
  
On the left was a small secton, open to the lobby and the rink floor. Daiuke stood facing the far wall, playing one of the dozen arcade games. He was dancing in place, taping one skate-clad foot against the floor. Occasionally, he'd stop tapping his foot long enough to glide backwards, and then pull himself forward. Even from a distance they could hear his voice straining to drown out the stereo.  
  
Tai and Matt looked at each other, and then smiled slightly. The brunette left his friend to rent their skates. Ken skated into the lobby, took a drink from a cup on one of the tables, and then raised an eyebrow as amethyst eyes met blue. The genius seemed to stare through him for a moment before he looked at his best friend.   
  
The redhead was doing an impromptu victory dance as his score rollled up the screen. "Hey, Ken! Did you see th-" He caught sight of Matt, and his triumphant grin shifted into an uncertain smile. "I have the highest score."  
  
"Congratulations." Tai shoved a pair of skates into Matt's arms, catching him by surprise. Daisuke skated towards them, but stopped on the other side of a table. Tai sat down with his back to him, but Matt sat down at another table and kept eye contact with the redhead. Ken had disappeared back to the rink.  
  
Brown eyes stared at Matt as he took his shoes off and replaced them with the skates. He laced them without looking down, his eyes boring into Daisuke's. Tai looked at the both of them when he was done, and then left unnoticed. He grinned as he set out on the floor and pushed forward to catch up with Sora.  
  
"Hello, Dais." Matt stood up, smoothing his T-shirt with a shaking hand.  
  
"Hi, Matt." Daisuke looked away, glancing at those of the group that were on the floor. "Your brother wants to kill me."  
  
"Nah. He just wants to tar and feather you." They smiled at each other, and then laughed, breaking some of the tension. "He left this morning before I could talk to him, so all he saw was my breakdown before I got to Tai's. He was asleep when I came home."  
  
"I'm sorry, Matt." Brown eyes met blue. "I never wanted to hurt you."  
  
"I know." It was Matt's turn to look away. "I think that our first attempt was a failure."  
  
"You know, they say that the second impression can be more important if someone is willing to give you a second chance."   
  
"I think everyone should be given a second chance." Brown eyes looked at him hopefully.  
  
"Really?" He nodded in answer. "Great!" With the emotion high that that agreement sent thrumming through his veins, Daisuke grabbed Matt's hands and pulled him unprotestingly to the floor. Their skates slid from the carpet the wooden floor with a slight tapping sound. Matt stumbled a little, losing his footing. Before he could fall, Daisuke pulled him closer and studied him.  
  
"It's been awhile." Daisuke nodded, skating backwards and pulling the blonde with him. They made their way around the rink slowly, smiling as their friends passed them by. Daisuke never once let go of his hands.  
  
"I won't let you fall."   
  
  
~~~~~____~~~~~  
  
  
Author's note the first: Don't own it.  
  
Author's note the second: The important stuff. A little explanation. This takes place some odd years after 02. I don't know what their ages were during the show, but the important two, so that it makes things a little easier to understand, are as follows. Daisuke is 16 going on 17. Matt is 19 going on 20. I don't have a clue about their birthdays, either.   
  
Yes, Daisuke has an odd level of maturity. Explained by the fact that with Ken as a best friend, you can't act like an idiot all the times. Secondly, this add in maturity is balanced by his growth spurt. Picture if you will, a tall, strapping young man of 5'11", broad shoulders, and Daisuke's hair. He's taller than most of the others, except Jyou (I happen to like this spelling because it always sets off my spell-check).  
  
Despite this height and size, he's easily the most intimidated by his friends (though not strangers), and he's a big teddy bear.  
  
Author's note the fourth: the resolution is forth-coming, but I couldn't resist leaving this where it was. Enjoy. 


	6. Love in all its splendor

Daisuke stared up at the building, feeling the world drop out from beneath his fight. It was huge, a monstrosity, a grotesque structure created to stifle the minds of the already oppressed.

"I told you that college wouldn't be too bad, Davis." Miyako bumped against his shoulder, causing him to bump into Takeru, who grunted as he took an elbow to the gut. "Isn't this great! Our first day, and we've managed to find each other already!" She stood proudly, her violet-hair making her stand out from the group. A few feet away, a couple of guys cat-called, but she turned her nose up to them.

"I'm excited." Hikari volunteered, her smile showing it as she took in the school where most of there classes would be. She was taking general requirement courses, like the rest of them. Daisuke stared at her for a moment, decided that crazy people didn't deserve that much attention, and resumed glaring at the building. 

Beside him, Takeru kept glancing around, blue eyes searching for a familiar face. "There they are!" Four heads swiveled in the direction that he was pointing. Halfway across the campus, standing with a group of other students, stood Tai and Matt. They had their backs to them, talking with several girls wearing matching outfits. 

The world seemed to right itself as Daisuke stared at Yamato's back, taking in the tight black jeans, and the pristine white dress-shirt. "Kami-sama, he looks good." Miyako rolled her eyes and elbowed him. 

"It would figure that that's the first thing you'd notice. It's been all of, what, a week? And you're still ready to drool every time you see him."

"Miya, if you could only understand." He spoke quietly, his eyes alighting on the blonde as he and Tai turned in their general direction. The girls followed behind, talking and gesturing with there arms. As they approached the group of freshman, their eyes lit up, and both men hurried their steps. "Yo! We made it!" He held his arms wide to encompass the four of them. [1]

"About dang time, too!" Tai hugged his sister, and then turned to introduce them to the girls. "This is Missy, Crissy, Sissy, and Lissy." Miyako coughed to cover for her snicker, but the other three just gaped at the girls. "You guys have perfect timing, actually. I know that at least one of you…" He winked at Daisuke. "Will be able to tell these beautiful ladies why Yamato could not possibly go out with any of them, despite his current lack of a female companionship."

Daisuke raised an eyebrow, and then frowned. "What?"

"They don't understand the fact that, just because I don't have a girlfriend, I could not possible date one of them." Matt answered, moving away from one of the girls. She kept trying to take his arm, or grab hold of his hand.

"Oh." Daisuke nodded, then looked at his friends in understanding. The tallest girl, and the obvious spokeswoman, stepped toward the blonde and tried to take his arm again. 

"Yamato is simply the hottest bachelor on campus. He's popular, good-looking, smart, and he doesn't belong to a frat house, so any girl luck enough to get him gets all of him." 

"Listen, Prissy." Miyako stepped forward

"I'm Lissy." She corrected as Matt took another step away, putting Daisuke partially between them.

"Whatever. The fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend does not mean that you can harass him into going out with you. He has prior commitments, and they don't include any of you."

Tai snickered, and Hikari looked at her disapprovingly before taking over. "He doesn't have the time to have a relationship with a girl, even one who's willing to devote her time."

"My brother isn't up for grabs, ladies. Sorry. He has other things that he has to devote himself to."

"Really? Like what?" The shortest challenged, glaring at these strangers who dared to interfere with their plans for Matt. Matt looked at Daisuke, blue eyes pleading. The redhead grinned. 

"Like me." He pulled the blonde close, wrapping his arms around him as he brought their lips together. Matt snuck his arms around his waist, and leaned into him, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss.

"Ew!" Prissy Lissy stepped back.

"Yuck!" Missy moved to stand behind her."

"Sick!" Chrissy made a gagging motion with her hand.

"Aw. That's so sweet." Sissy sighed, clasping her hands in front of her. "I wish I had a camera."


	7. Weak in the arms of love

Author's note: This is the seventh chapter to 'Love Isn't All It's Cracked Up to Be'. The series was originally only five chapters long, but as inspiration strikes, I have added the sixth and seventh chapters. The series is not technically ongoing, so view this as the final chapter. It has more of a resolution than any of the others, though there may one day be an eight or ninth or tenth.

This part, then continues after Chap 6, where Tai and Matt have been at college for a long time, and Miya, Kari, TK, and Davis are just entering. This chap is within the first few days/weeks of school for the younger ones.

~~~~~____~~~~~

Daisuke walked across the campus, his books tucked against his chest as the wind blew against him. It would figure that the day he stayed late after Biology, he'd forget his jacket and the cold would creep up. He moved quickly, his long legs taking him in the direction of his dormitory when he saw something that left him feeling very displeased.

Yamato, his Matt, seemed to be having a rather heated discussion with several of the guys that Daisuke recognized from the football team. He narrowed his eyes, his feet changing direction without conscious thought as he moved to protect his boyfriend.

"Missy told me about you, queer-bait." One said, though Daisuke couldn't tell which. He shifted his books, ready to drop them at the first sign that he would be needed to defend Matt.

"I heard that you were hitting on Lissy before your little boyfriend showed up. Think you can play it straight with our girls, and then make asses of us all by whoring around with that little bastard?" The redhead, now close enough to see the fear in Matt's eyes, and read the intent on the faces of the would-be attackers, smirked. 

"Excuse me, I'm looking for a small group of small-minded individuals who lack commons sense and have shriveled dicks." Six pair of eyes swung to look at him, one gaping open in shock, and five more becoming increasingly pissed off as they recognized him. "Oh, look, I've already found you."

"This is the little cock-sucking bitch?" One asked another, rubbing a fist into his palm as scenes of violence played behind his eyes.

"Um, I object to that. So far, we've done less together than what you do with your dog on a daily basis." Matt rolled his eyes. He enjoyed being rescued, he'd be a liar if he said he didn't, but watching Daisuke slowly dig a hole that could only collapse in after him was beyond even his sadistic fantasies.

He stepped around the guys that had been bothering him, and grabbed Daisuke's arm hard, pulling him backwards. The punks followed, but Daisuke didn't turn his back to them as he walked backwards, lead by Matt as he grinned and taunted them.

When they closed around them, forming a mini-circle, his confidence didn't waver. He reached up with his free and placed it over one of Matt's hands, squeezing it. "Let's see. How many brainless trolls does it take to beat up two pansies? Please, don't tell me it takes this many. That can't be possible. We are so weak and defenseless, how could it take that much brawn to take us out?"

"Shut up, queer-bait."

"Actually, that statement is ignorant." Daisuke looked at Matt out of the corner of his eye; his body tensing up as he prepared for the fight he knew was coming. "Cause, if I'm a bait for queers, and you guys can't leave me alone, that only leaves one question for me to ask. When you're all together, who's the bottom?"

~~~~~_____~~~~~

"I hope you're satisfied." Matt said, wiping at Daisuke's face with a paper-towel. The redhead grinned back at him, looking very pleased with himself. He had a black eye, split lip, and a bloody nose, but the sparkle in his eyes marked him as a winner.

"I love you." Was Daisuke's reply, his hand coming up to still the motion of Matt's. They looked into each other's eyes, before Matt leaned down with a soft smile and pressed his lips lightly against Daisuke's. Despite the pain that that small motion caused, Daisuke said nothing, instead reveling in the feel of Matt's lips against his own. 

The blonde pulled away, his eyes light as most of his worries disappeared. "You were great, you know." 

Daisuke nodded. "I know." Matt laughed; returning to his ministrations to get Daisuke cleaned up. "You weren't so bad yourself, you know. If I didn't know better, I would think that you and Tai were still beating the crap out of each other. You took out that one guy so fast, my head was spinning."

"That could have been due to the fact that your head was being pounded into the ground."

"You think?" Daisuke chuckled. "My head hurts, and my body's so sore in places, the thought of moving hurts."

"You shouldn't have started a fight you couldn't win."

"But we did win, Yama. Or, at least, you did." If Daisuke had been the one trapped alone, he would have ended up worse off than he was, if he lived at all. Matt had handled most of their attackers, taking them out one by one as the rest continued to be distracted with the task of beating Daisuke to a pulp. "Thank you."

"For what? If you hadn't come along when you did, they probably would have beaten me within an inch of my life, and then left my dying corpse some place. At least this way I had something to fight for."

A moment passed without conversation as Matt finished cleaning up his boyfriend. He threw the wet paper-towel away and moved to stand in the middle of his room. His roommate was gone for the weekend, and he had no place better to go, as long as Daisuke deigned to stay in his room.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and then it moved so that arms could wrap around him from behind, Daisuke's breath warm on his neck. "I love you, you know. You are my reason to live, to face each day." Matt turned in his arms, and they held each other in stillness for several seconds, before Daisuke finally lead them across the room and maneuvered their bodies into a sitting position. 

Matt placed his head on Daisuke's shoulders, feeling tired and drained suddenly. Daisuke rubbed his back.

"Go ahead, love. I'm here, and I love you." Matt squeezed his eyes shut, the tears stinging his eyes as he pressed his face harder against the crook of Dai's neck. The tears leaked out regardless, and suddenly he was sobbing, his body trembling with each ragged breath that entered and exited his lungs. "I love you."

Daisuke used his declaration of love like a mantra, repeating it over and over as he held the love of his life in his arms and let him weep. He knew that the man who's strength had fended off three men was only as strong as the trust he placed in Daisuke, knowing that he could be weak in the arms of love.


End file.
